HAVING A DAD FOR 24 YEARS

Sting - Fields of Gold

I remember the sun going down on a warm summer night and making a beautiful soft orange shade on the white wall. I remember being alone and admiring the sunset through the window. I was at my mothers place when I got the call. My dad had been fighting with cancer and the doctors said that there was a slight chance of him making it to the morning. The optimistic illusion of the difficult past two weeks slowly chattered and I found myself looking again at the light on the wall. I just thought that is it really possible that he might be gone the next morning? I reminisced about the moments we had going back as far as I can remember. I stared at this beam of light while it was getting more red as the sun was going down. I got this weird sense of confirmation or understanding that he was fading with that light on the wall and I was there in the last moments. It felt like a positive, calm and warm goodbye from him. I closed my eyes, sent love and wished him a safe passage to wherever he needed to go. When the morning came I got a call saying he didn’t make it. He had been fighting with cancer and chemotherapy for two years. He was 49 years old. 

isa.jpg

I believe we do not live in a ‘’you live only once'' world. I believe that our soul, our energy never dies, it transitions from different realms of existence. I believe in reincarnation. I have had couple of odd situations regarding seeing signs of him. For example, I was waiting a bus in London, I noticed there was a taxi across the road but I didn't really mind it. Soon after I heard Sting - Fields of Gold playing from that taxi. It was one of his favourite songs and we only listened to it while we were driving.. People who are close to me know that 777 is my thing, I see them every day. I have seen two different cars with 777 ISA ( ISA meaning dad in Estonian ) number plates, one just the day before writing this post. That mindset with those coincidences have made my dads passing easier knowing that his energy still exists. If it was his time to go then I can’t force the fact. But of course I do miss him, he was a real unique friend. We had the most open and loving friendship a father and a son could have. We never argued. We spoke about everything from relationships, business, women to ancient civilizations.

I remember when I was around 12 years old, I admired how he spoke and interacted with other people. It inspires me until this day, the way he dealt with his things effortlessly in a charming way. Even though I do not believe we have only one life, we should still live with passion and strive in every category we deal with. I like to have high standards in everything. I don’t like mediocre thoughts or outcomes. One of the things he used to say to me was - Go as far as you can see and when you get there, you will see further. I enjoy progress towards my dreams like nothing else. I keep this thought close to me as a reminder that we don’t need to have all the answers and knowledge from the start. We are here to experience our individual lessons and to raise our consciousness.. We used to sit in his backyard during the spring time and talk for hours. Every year he used to say to me.. Imagine we are given around 70 times to see how the nature becomes green and beautiful, just 70 times.. As it is that time of the year in Estonia, keep in mind that 70 times are not granted to anyone. Value the people around you, hold them close and share love. 

This is the main reason of me writing this post. Be kind.

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